Apology is defined as "a statement saying you are sorry
about something : an expression of regret for having done or said something
wrong".
This definition implies that one apologizes when one regrets
an action (or inaction) right? Well, is that what we get these days???? For the
most part, NO!
Most times people apologize, not because they regret their
actions but because they have been caught!
SCENARIO A
A man has a side chick outside his matrimonial home. This
relationship has gone on 3 years. He bought the girl a car and rented a house
for her which he furnished and is paying the rent as it expires.
Coincidentally, the side chick and the wife met at the salon one day. They
don't know each other. The hair stylist was hailing the side chick on how lucky
she is to get a man that loves her so much. A man that still worships the
ground she steps on 3 years into the relationship. She told everybody there how
the man takes care of the girl and her financial needs. The gist progressed and
the wife even joined in wishing the girl well and telling her she is one of the
lucky few to get a man that dotes on her. The girl, in order to further hype
herself and her man told them that her man is not only loving and caring but
also handsome and a fantastic dresser. She said "don't worry, you guys
will see him when he comes to pick me up from here. We will be going to watch a
movie when we leave here". Wow! What a man! Everyone there couldn’t wait.
Lo and behold, the guy landed and it turned out to be the woman's husband.
Husband that is supposed to be at work??? All hell broke loose! The salon lady
is still trying to fix her salon from the chaos that erupted there that day!
Slaps were flying around, blows were dodged, people running helter skelter as
the wife ‘unleashed the dragon’ on her husband and the side chick. She was
finally restrained. The man went down on his knees and started begging. "I
am so sorry, please forgive me, this will never happen again, I promise".
Now, please, is this apology by the man "an expression
of regret for having done something wrong" OR a go to phrase just because
his wife caught him 'with his pants down'.
SCENARIO B
A woman has her sick mother in law living with them in the
house. The mother in law has been down with stroke and needs round the clock
care. They employ a nurse to assist but the nurse goes home by 7pm so from that
time till morning, wife has to take over the duties. She doesn’t like this
arrangement one bit. She hates the arrangement so much that she has begun to
also hate her mother in law. She starts taking it out on her. When mama wets
herself, wifey goes in and yells at her and sometimes even smacks her asking
her why she is just making everyone suffer, why she wouldn’t just die so
everybody can rest. Mama cries silently. The stroke affected her speech so she
can't even tell her son what is going on. One day, daddy was playing with the 3
year old who smacked daddy's ass and said "Let me smack you like mummy
smacks grandma". Daddy isn’t sure he heard right. But instead of
confronting, he decides to investigate. He tiptoes into the room one of the
times wifey was in there and lo and behold, wifey was just in the middle of her
"why don’t you die this useless woman" speech! What? My own mother?
That is it, you are leaving my house tonight! I don’t want to ever see you in
my life again. Wife starts rolling on the ground, begging, apologizing. "I
am sorry, i am so so sorry, I dont know what came over me, It will never happen
again"
Now, please, is this apology by the woman "an
expression of regret for having done something wrong" OR a "i just
need to say something now that you caught me whupping your momma's arse".
Saying I am sorry when you offend someone goes a long way in
keeping a relationship. When in the heat of an argument, you say something
untoward to your partner, you should apologize. Or when you make them look bad
in anyway, you definitely should apologize. But when you have been doing
something bad to your partner for a very long time, with no intention of
stopping, and you are now caught in the act - saying 'i am sorry' will seem
like cutting someone with a matchet, leaving a deep cut that even cut bone and
then covering the wound with plaster! You have not done anything yet!
It's much better to repent of those behaviors that you have
to apologize for or to even avoid them altogether than to apologize when you
are caught. For me, apology at that time is not sincere. You are just taking
the other person for a fool. Would you have apologized if you were not caught?
Would you have even stopped the act?
God help us as we strive to live good and worthy lives. God
also help our partners do the right thing at the right time.
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