The bane of single motherhood

I was on one of the popular blogs when i came across a write up about the challenges of single mothers. The author of said write up was herself a single mother. She talked about the stigma, the challenge it poses in dating and the wrong perception people have about single mothers.

Then came the reactions!

People came for her head and her blood. They judged, they condemned. They rationalized. But i was happy to see that a lot of people actually stood with single mothers - even though they weren't single mothers themselves.

Comments like this one above opened by eyes to how judgmental some of us can be! Who died and made us Judge and Jury???

So a woman gets pregnant means she is loose? I can bet the person who made this comment isn't a virgin herself. So if you have had sex at one time or another, with a man who isn't your husband, what gives you the right to judge another?

Scenario A

A lady who went through university without having sex, finally had sex while waiting for her call up letter. It wasn't planned, it just happened after a night of clubbing with her close friend (a guy). They were aware enough to use a condom. So when she woke up the next morning crying and asking what on earth she just did, she was at least consoled by the fact that she played safe. A few weeks later, she feel ill. Vomiting and weak. She didn't think twice before going to the hospital. She was asked to do a pregnancy test among-st other tests. she obliged. What is there to fear? Test results came back. Malaria - Nil, Thyphoid - Nil, Pregnancy - Positive. She couldn't believe it! How???? She called the guy, he said "Ohhh, what do we do. I am not ready to get married now". She never called him again. He tried getting in touch a couple of times but she could sense he would rather stay away so she just let him off the hook. Well, abortion was out of it. So she went home and kept quiet. months later, her mum noticed and called her. She said YES she was pregnant. Mother cried and cried. Father threw her out of the house. She went to an aunt's. Eventually father calmed down and asked her to come home. That was almost when she was due. She came home in time for the baby to be born. Immediately that baby came, grandfather and grandmother fell in love with the baby. They told her to go for her service that they will take care of the baby. They have been doing that for the past 8 years now while the girl is in Lagos finding her feet. She has dated a few people and she is always upfront about her situation. She got married last year to a guy who is asking her to go bring her daughter to live with them.

True life story!

Now, here is another angle to the issue.

If this lady hadn't aborted that baby, she would have being stigmatized, probably disowned by family but at least she would have had a child today.

Why the stigmatization??? A lot of people didn't bargain to be single mothers. They just did what sooo many other ladies do, only they got stuck. Because people want to run from the stigma, they end up putting their lives and futures in danger by way of abortions. A lot have died, many have destroyed their reproductive organs. Some will say "You probably used a quack". That's not true. Even so called professionals could botch an abortion process. It happens!

Why don't we be more understanding. We don't we be more accommodating. It takes courage to look the world in the eye and say "I am seeing this pregnancy through and birthing this child no matter what you think of me"! That is undiluted courage and i salute everyone who has made this decision. Lets not look down on them. Lots of men have left really good women, just cos she has a child. That one you eventually go to marry without a child out of wedlock,can u categorically say she has never gotten pregnant before? Can u hit your chest and say how many abortions she has had?

There is a lot more to life than what we see. Ibos have a proverb that say "You never know which child will be a titled man in future". You never know, or do you?

Lets quit with the judgements, please. Even for those who decided on their own to be single mums. That's their decision. Not yours. It doesn't concern you. Mind your business!

I dont like people that write other people off just because of a mistake they made. "Second chance" is a word for a reason.

Before you judge a single mother, make sure you 

a) Are a virgin

b) Have never made a mistake in your life

c) Can see the future

He who is without sin be the first to cast a stone!

DISCLAIMER - This isn't in any way encouraging premarital sex. If anything, ABSTINENCE is the best thing! The peace of mind it brings cannot be overemphasized. You're not worried about pregnancy or STDs. You feel free and strong. Like you are doing what others find it difficult to do! Abstinence is the way to go!